Lead with Your Whole Heart: The Power of Healthy Vulnerability

Blog by Gem Fadling

At a recent PACE spiritual formation and leadership retreat, I experienced an unexpected moment of public vulnerability.

On this particular day, I was scheduled to teach in the morning. After breakfast, I went back to my room to freshen up before facilitating the session.

On the way from my room to the meeting space, I pulled out my phone to see if I had any messages. Our family text thread popped up, where one of my sons shared that he had been unexpectedly laid off. His company was extensively downsizing, and over half of his department had been let go.

The message was short, but his words pierced my heart: “I am devastated.” Of course he was. He had been at the company from its earliest days, and he had worked his way up to a wonderful position. Unfortunately, many such tech companies are in market correction mode these days.

As a mother, hearing my son’s sadness felt like a gut punch. All of this happened in the two minutes it took to walk from my bedroom to the meeting space. I could feel the sadness and the tears welling up inside. I love my son so much, and I never want to see any of my children suffer in any way. I know that everyone has to go through life’s bumps and left turns, but it’s difficult to watch as a parent.

I arrived in the meeting room a couple minutes early and mentioned what had happened to the handful of people who were already there. We began the meeting, and since I was facilitating it, I had no choice but to speak through my tears.

So I shared a brief version of the story and we transitioned into a time of worship. I thought I could pull myself together, but the worship was so heartfelt that it just inflamed my sadness. As I transitioned us into prayer and began to move toward my teaching time, my tears continued to flow.

I suppose if I had really tried, I could have stuffed down my feelings, set them aside, and forced myself into a different mode. But I'm in a season of life where dividing myself like that just doesn’t work as well as it used to.

And so I decided to be a human being and offer myself to the group just as I was. I knew I was in a room full of mature, heart-forward, experienced leaders and friends. They received me with such grace.

Rest assured, I did not overwhelm them with my issues in an unhealthy way. I simply shared with them about my sadness and asked for their patience as I spoke with a lump in my throat. They graciously offered to pause and pray for our son, and then we continued on with the meeting.

A few weeks later, as I was processing this moment with my spiritual director, I found myself saying, “I did not have another self to pull out to lead the meeting.” I actually like that.

I will agree up front that it is never a good idea to overshare or to overwhelm people unnecessarily. I do, however, believe in being appropriately vulnerable. I think people appreciate when leaders act like human beings.

It can be easy to think that leadership looks like being perfect, not having any issues, or being strong and invulnerable. This is a very American attitude and is common in the culture I live in.

But I believe healthy vulnerability is an asset, and a leader receiving the gracious prayers of the community is a good thing. It is good to journey alongside others by sharing in appropriately vulnerable ways.

Healthy vulnerability builds trust and connection. Here’s how:

It fosters trust and authenticity. When I practice appropriate vulnerability, I create an atmosphere of trust. People are more likely to open up and engage when they see that I am not hiding behind a false sense of perfection. Authenticity cultivates connection, making space for honest conversations and deeper relationships within a community. 

It models growth and resilience. Vulnerability allows me to demonstrate that struggles and challenges are a natural part of life. When I share how I navigate difficulties with faith, wisdom, and resilience, I give others permission to embrace their own growth process. This kind of leadership is not about weakness but about showing strength with humility and grace. 

It invites others into a shared journey. People don’t just want an idealized leader to follow; they want a fellow traveler. When leaders are seen as real human beings, with hopes, fears, and struggles, others feel less alone. It shifts the dynamic from top-down leadership to a shared, grace-filled journey where everyone is learning and growing together.

In all the groups I’ve facilitated at trainings and retreats, I have found all of this to be true. People appreciate authenticity, humility, a healthy sense of vulnerability, and lived grace.

I have greater trust for a leader who shares from their heart and their life experience. I enjoy connecting with someone as a companion along the way far more than a pulled-together persona.

I know it might be difficult for some of us to lean into healthy vulnerability. However, I believe it’s possible to move toward it no matter where you find yourself. Some of us will find this easier than others, but we can each take steps toward opening ourselves in healthy and appropriate ways as we journey alongside those we serve.

For Reflection: 

• How do you connect with the idea of healthy vulnerability? Is it easy or difficult for you?
• What is one small step you might take toward being more open with others so they feel a fitting sense of connection to your real life that moves past any sense of persona?
• How might the people around you respond as you learn to become more appropriately open?