What I’m Letting Go of This Year and Why It Matters

Blog by Gem Fadling

Last year during a session, my therapist asked what I was letting go of as I moved into the new year. I had already spent time reflecting during a personal retreat, so I was ready to answer.

At that time, my list was short and to the point:

• Inner spinning and revving
• Overthinking
• Fear
• Discontent

As we explored the underground of my heart and mind, we discovered that my revving and overthinking grew from an inner fear. And underneath that fear was a deep concern about not being cared for. You might see how this could naturally lead to discontent. When you fear being on your own, nothing feels like enough to fill that ache.

It feels stark to name it so plainly, but I now see that honesty as a gift. With the distance I have today, I can recognize the clarity God brought. My therapist helped me see the throughline. I was no longer stuck on the surface trying to swat at the flies of overthinking.

Instead, I could look into the depths. And there, I could meet with God to be seen, held and changed. God has been faithful to continue that healing.

Over the past year, the theme of letting go has only grown louder. Again and again I have sensed the invitation to release what no longer serves me. To the list above I added:

• Perfectionism
• Opinions
• Pushing for control
• Grasping ambition

As the year unfolded, new layers surfaced. And three particular experiences helped me continue along this path of release.

Accept the inner quieting 

I have been experiencing a Spirit-guided quieting within my soul. It took time to recognize and trust it, but I have come to appreciate this new interior calm. It is a different kind of energy than anxious revving, and I am grateful to move forward with peace.

Let go of what does not matter 

Earlier this year, I wrote about my encounter with old photos and the invitation to “stress less about pretty much everything.” My time on earth is brief, and I want to live the abundant life Jesus promised. I do not want to be weighed down by my old tendencies toward anxiety and control.

Shingles downshift

In the fall, I experienced a six-week bout with shingles. It was as painful as everyone says because it targets the nerves. For the first three weeks, I was in bed just hurting. Life becomes very small when every moment is filled with pulsing pain. Yet this “unexpected sabbatical,” as my pastor called it, became another opportunity to simply be. I allowed myself to downshift in a way I never would have chosen.

All of this reminds me of the invitation in Hebrews 12:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” (Hebrews 12:1–2, NLT)

You can see how the weights we carry and the ways we miss the mark can slow or trip us. Letting go makes space within us to run freely. And the race is God’s race for my life, not one of my own making or one crafted by others.

God’s race is centered on keeping my eyes on Jesus, the Good Shepherd of my soul. The one who describes himself as gentle and humble in heart. My human way exhausts me. Jesus’ way is the one where his yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:28–30).

Mary Oliver captures the spirit of this releasing beautifully in her poem “Storage.” Notice what enlivens in your mind and heart as you read.

When I moved from one house to another

there were many things I had no room for.

What does one do? I rented a storage space.

And filled it. Years passed.

Occasionally I went there and looked in,

but nothing happened, not a single twinge of the heart.

As I grew older the things I cared about grew fewer, but were more important.

So one day I undid the lock and called the trash man.

He took everything.

I felt like the little donkey when his burden is finally lifted.

Things! Burn them, burn them!

Make a beautiful fire!

More room in your heart for love, for the trees!

For the birds who own nothing—the reason they can fly.

Published 2020 by Penguin Books in Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver

(First published in Felicity, 2015)

There is a simple freedom in releasing what we no longer need. God meets us in that spaciousness.

Reflection 

• How do you resonate with my journey of letting go?
• What is it that weighs you down or trips you up? How would it feel to finally release it?
• What support might you need as you seek greater freedom?