A Gentler Way to Deal with Temptation

Blog by Gem Fadling

Awhile back someone asked me how I deal with temptation, especially in regard to Henri Nouwen’s teaching on false identities:

I am what I have.

I am what I do.

I am what others say about me.

This is a big question, and I made an attempt at a response, which I’m sharing with you today.

In my book Hold That Thought, I opened with the story of my own anxiety and how I discovered I was pushing, trying, and angsting (PTA) myself to anxiety and depletion.

The temptations beneath PTA exactly match Nouwen’s false identities.

Pushing: I am what I do.

Trying: I am what other say about me.

Angsting: I am what I have.

There was a always a hum in the background of my soul, a siren call, a search for fame and fortune. This was not the voice of my true self. The false self was trying to clothe itself yet again.

The need to feel financially secure and to have people recognize me moved its way to the front of the line. That led to a fear-based and self-centered way of living. I fell to the temptation to reach for something other than God. I was no longer aiming at the bullseye, and I missed the mark.

I was compelled to look more deeply at these temptations when my body began to express feelings of overwhelm, distraction, and tiredness. I needed a change. 

I realized I couldn’t overcome temptation by using the same unhelpful energies of PTA. I chose to become softer, more open and dependent on God to help me make the change I so desired. I leaned into his grace and compassion.

And I was moved by that ever familiar dynamic: When the pain of staying the way you are becomes greater than the pain of the change, you choose change.

So my most recent temptations within Nouwen’s false identities are being overcome by 

• remaining aware of my tendencies,
• noticing when I feel that unhelpful energy inside me, and then
• pivoting back toward the good I am learning that “in quietness and trust is your strength” (Isaiah 30:15).

This is a quiet and gentle shift. In his wilderness temptations, Jesus himself responded simply and calmly with the words of scripture. He wasn’t wielding a physical sword at the tempter. He stated truth and stood within his own place of belovedness in the Trinity.

I am learning to do the same. Striving to change makes no sense. My ego likes to exert pressure because that keeps me self-focused and self-dependent.

And so I’m learning, slowly, that temptation is less about fighting harder and more about remembering who I am.

When the pull toward what I have, what I do, or what others say about me begins to rise, I don’t need to scramble or prove or grasp. I can return. I can come back to the quiet center where my identity is already given and secure in God.

This is not dramatic work. It is small, often unseen. Noticing. Softening. Turning.

And over time, something steadier begins to take root. I don’t live a life free from temptation, but a life less ruled by it. I don’t have to be driven by the noise of the false self but am gently anchored in what is true.

I am not what I have.
I am not what I do.
I am not what others say about me.

I am one who is loved.

For Reflection: 

• What is your go-to temptation?
• How do you move away from attitudes or habits that are not serving you and in a healthier direction?
• What do you want to say to God? What help might you want from God?