A Holy Fast from the Self: What the Dark Night Gives Instead

Blog by Gem Fadling

In this age of social media, it is quite easy to become, and remain, self-focused. Left to myself, I could find myself producing “The Gem Show” 24/7. I did try to play that game for a while…until I grew weary of the burden of being interesting.

I’m still on Instagram, and I’m trying to focus on spreading insight and grace while attempting to avoid the traps of gaming the algorithm.

Awhile back I spent some time in chapters 7 and 8 of Father Albert Haase’s book The Persistent God.* Father Albert is such a delightful author. He keeps things simple, practical, and soulful. There’s a great section on what he calls “The Empty P’s.” They are:

Power

Prestige

Position

People

Possessions

Productivity

Popularity

Pleasure

Praise

He divides these Empty P’s into four “self” categories:

Self-concern: prestige, popularity, praise

Self-interest: power, position, productivity

Self-gratification: people, pleasure

Self-preservation: possessions

These excellent descriptors are a provocative way of examining what keeps me focused on self.

When I focus on myself, I am on a path straight toward discontent. When I seek any or all of these Empty P’s, I am emphatically stating , “I don’t have enough,” and even worse, “I’m not enough” or “God is not enough.” There is a background hum of always reaching for more or for what’s next.

This goes against my intentional inner work of seeking to live in the moment and to love what I have rather than long for what I don’t.

Contentedness and enoughness has been one of my throughlines the last few years. Always reaching for something “out there” is exhausting, and I look forward to further detachment from this pattern.

Unsurprisingly, Father Albert dives straight into detachment after sharing these Empty P’s. A season of spiritual darkness allows for detachment to occur without our managing or striving for it. And even though it’s painful, it is a work of great grace.

After a recent dark night, I found that some of my inner noise had quieted to another level. It’s not unlike dietary fasting. I spent much of last year working on my gut health as I had moved to unhealthy levels of inflammation. I worked through a protocol that brought about some much-needed healing.

The process was quite difficult in that I had to say no to certain types of food while we figured out the culprits. Saying no to food is hard when you are a foodie and eat for comfort and celebration…just my true confessions.

Plus, unhealthy gut bacteria screams out when we stop feeding it what it craves. There is certainly an uproar before things begin to quiet down and heal. The culprits eventually die off and the cravings and discomfort end, but not without first putting up a good fight.

A dark night can feel like this. An unchosen quiet deep within—a kind of fast. The discomfort of not having the ability to live life the way you prefer. It’s like walking in the dark or moving through a fog or wasting away in a desert while everything goes dim. But this deep and quiet work, this gift, goes beyond rational thought and accomplishes that which your soul longs for—holy detachment.

Detachment allows for a sense of not needing to reach out for that which doesn’t satisfy. If you’ve ever journeyed through a dark night, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

“The dark night brings with it many blessings, since it cleanses the soul and purifies it from all these imperfections.” (St. John of the Cross)

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” (St. Augustine, Confessions)

Returning to Father Albert’s Empty P’s, unless there was a kind of God-given and imposed fast deep within, how else would I learn to release myself from the siren call of power, prestige, position, people, possessions, productivity, popularity, pleasure, and praise?

I may not like how it feels, but over the course of my life I have learned to welcome the quiet of the dark night. It is a true gift that bears the fruit of greater freedom from the ego’s ways and a more robust detachment from that which does not satisfy.

For Reflection: 

• How do you resonate with the Empty P’s?
• What have you noticed about your own dark nights? What has been purged from you as a result?
• How do you feel about holy detachment? Is that something you want in greater measure?