Learning to do Nothing

Guest blog by Jordan Gavero, reposted with permission from the Love Naturally Substack.

We all have a relationship with silence. Silence can be peaceful for some; silence can be boring, or silence can be terrifying. Whatever it is, we all respond to silence differently. But surprisingly, silence is a gift. It’s the gift that becomes the meeting place of God. It’s the only place we can retreat from our internal and external noise to encounter Jesus.

Recently I was invited to participate in a one-day silent retreat that was hosted by Alan and Gem Fadling (Founders of Unhurried Living). They have written countless books on what it means to live at the pace of Jesus in a slow and meaningful way. They recently hosted a space for a day to slow down and refresh our souls through silence and solitude.

I was led by the Spirit to invite my dad to join me. One thing to know about my dad is that growing up, I’ve always admired his faith journey. My dad had so much zeal and fire for Jesus that inspired my journey as I got older. Knowing my dad still had this fire for God at age 59, I realized he had never been introduced to God’s other great gift: silence. My dad had no idea what he was signing up for. Today’s article is a conversation between my dad and me. After sharing this experience and hearing firsthand how he felt, I knew I had to talk about it. And I’m really excited for you to hear how he responded.

Jordan: Hey dad. Before you talk about your experience, what were you expecting this retreat to be like?

Dad: Whenever I think of a retreat, I picture a guest speaker or pastor. I thought there would be worship, then the speaker would share something from the Word, and afterward we might break into groups. Basically, I expected something like a one-day church retreat or seminar.

Jordan: Well, we arrived at the retreat experience. And it was definitely not what you expected. We learned about words like solitude, silence, stillness, stability, and simplicity. What was going through your head as you learned these ideas and saw how they connected with Scripture?

Dad: Believe it or not, it was something new for me. I’ve been walking with the Lord for over 30 years and have been involved in ministry for a long time. I’ve done the things we usually think of: Bible study, discipleship, prayer, fellowship—all the basics. But I had never seen the Christian life presented quite like this.

Jordan: [Alan] told us after our seminar, we’d be in solitude for two hours. Before we actually did it, what was going through your head when you realized you were going to spend two hours doing almost nothing?

Dad: Surprisingly enough, I forgot to bring my phone when arriving to this retreat. Normally, a phone almost feels like the air we breathe. So right away, that was different. [Alan] said, “For the first fifteen minutes, I want you to do nothing.” And I remember thinking, What the heck? Do nothing? I’m not used to that.

Dad: My life is busy. I work. I’m a husband. I’m a father. I pour into a lot of people. I didn’t really know how to understand the idea of just setting everything down and pausing. I had never been in a situation like that before. But those two hours changed the way I think. It almost felt like my mind was being cleansed. It gave me a completely different perspective on busyness. 

Jordan: Knowing this experience was far different from anything you’ve done, what were you feeling in these two hours? How did you experience God?

Dad: [Alan] told us to find a place for ourselves. As I walked around the church campus, I found an empty area with couches near a fireplace. I closed my eyes and tried to block out everything around me. For those first fifteen minutes, I actually did nothing. I just sat there. I wasn’t even thinking about how much time had passed. Eventually, I began to pray. I started meditating on Psalm 51. And as I sat there, I began thinking about Jesus. 

Dad: Jesus would spend time by Himself. He would go away to pray. So I started wondering: What was Jesus praying about? He is God, and yet He still stepped away from the busyness of everything happening around Him. Then I looked at myself and realized: I stepped away too. That was revolutionary to me because almost everything around me is normally busyness.

Jordan: This might have been one of the first times in your life when you weren’t doing anything productive, and yet through doing nothing, you experienced God’s presence.

Dad: Yes. [Alan] reminded us that God is with us everywhere. And I actually practiced what I learned the very next day.

Jordan: You said something afterward that surprised me. You told me that those two hours might have made this the best retreat you’ve ever experienced—and that you learned more in those two hours than at almost any other retreat. Why?

Dad: During the course of my life, I’ve been a retreat guy. You know that, Jordan. If there’s a great guest speaker, I want to be there. I’ll take notes. I’ll sit in the front. I’ll be attentive. But even when someone brought a great message from the Word, something was still missing. There was never really silence or solitude. There wasn’t that space to truly sit and meditate.

Dad: Usually, when you come back from a retreat, people talk about having a “mountaintop experience.” But this retreat was different. The guest speaker barely even preached. Instead, he taught us how to be intentional. He taught us how to put everything away. Not thinking, I have this to do next week. I have this bill to pay. Instead, you block those things out for a moment and give them to God. And it frees your mind.

Dad: Those two hours of solitude we did went by so fast. When you came back to pick me up, I hadn’t even moved from that spot. I felt like God was showing me: You can do this every day. You can be still. I’m 59 years old, and I don’t think I had ever experienced something like that until that Saturday.

Jordan: It seems like the retreat helped you focus not only on what Jesus publicly did, but also on what Jesus did behind the scenes—when nobody was watching—his hidden life with the Father.

Dad: Exactly.

Jordan: We live in a busy culture where doing nothing can almost be looked down upon. What would you say to someone who hears your experience and says, “That sounds like a waste of time. It sounds like you’re just trying to run away from your responsibilities”?

Dad: Our lives are already filled with so much busyness. Whether it’s work, school, a career, family, or other responsibilities, we’re constantly doing something. And even as believers, how often do we really spend true time with God? Look at what Jesus did. Jesus regularly retreated. And Jesus says, “Come to me.” But how can we truly come to Jesus when our minds are going in a hundred different directions?

Dad: I think one thing I learned is that sometimes, before we even start talking to God, we need to pause. We need to stop. How can we come to Jesus while we’re still trying to carry everything ourselves? That requires us to stop long enough, actually, to come to Jesus. It can really be simple. Pause. Retreat. Close your eyes for fifteen minutes. Don’t do anything. You don’t have to force anything. Allow your mind to settle with Jesus. Then begin praying. Reflect on Scripture. As you pause, Scripture becomes clearer.

Dad: As you practice this regularly, you will realize He is inviting you to bring everything to Him. And when you finally stop carrying everything else for a moment, you become ready to meet with Jesus.