What Spiritual Paradigms Are Actually Shaping Your Life?

Blog by the Unhurried Living Team

The spiritual paradigms you hold — the deep, often unexamined beliefs about God, time, and yourself — are quietly shaping every decision you make, every reaction you have, and every relationship you're in. Gem Fadling, co-founder of Unhurried Living, shares seven of her own central paradigms not as a finished theology but as a living, honest account of what is forming her right now. If you've ever felt the gap between what you say you believe and how you actually live, this is an invitation to close it.

What Does It Mean to Actually Live Inside the Love of God?

Most of us have said the words so many times they've gone quiet. God is love. 1 John 4:16 states it plainly — not that God is loving, or that God shows love, but that God is love. That is what God is made of. And Acts 17:28 presses the reality even further: in God, we live and move and have our very being. God is not somewhere else waiting to be found. God is the atmosphere you are already breathing.

Gem names the practical shift this paradigm makes possible. Instead of asking why is God doing this to me — a question that casts God as an opponent moving pieces on a board — she has learned to ask a different one: How is love with me here, right in the middle of this? That reframe is not a coping strategy. It is a theological reorientation. It changes the tone of prayer, the posture of Scripture reading, and the quality of attention we bring to ordinary moments.

This is also where Gem's second paradigm takes root. God is not small, fragile, or threatened by complexity. Colossians 2 says that in Christ all the fullness of the deity lives in bodily form, and that in Christ we have been brought to that fullness. An expansive God does not need to be defended or shrunk to fit our categories. The more Gem matures in faith, she writes, the more love widens her — her heart enlarges, her capacity grows, and she moves away from the kind of binary thinking that keeps so many leaders trapped in reaction.

A simple practice to try this week: the next time something goes sideways, pause before you interpret it and ask, How is love present with me right now? Let that question sit for sixty seconds before you move on.

If you want to go deeper in your own soul care, the free resources at Unhurried Living are a good place to explore it here.

Why Does the "Third Way" Matter More Than Winning the Argument?

There is a temptation, especially for leaders under pressure, to read every situation as a contest with a winner and a loser. Gem names this plainly: viewing life as a zero-sum game is the lowest form of relational thinking. Either/or. Us versus them. And she does not treat this as an abstract philosophical problem — she connects it directly to the way social media and the broader media landscape is designed to inflame the limbic system, because fear and anger sell.

The antidote is not neutrality. It is love — specifically, the kind of love Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13, the love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Gem calls this the third way. It is the question love asks when binary thinking has run out of options: What else is possible here? The third way does not avoid difficulty; it refuses to let fear define the terms of engagement.

This paradigm connects directly to the fourth: character is vital. Gem draws on Dallas Willard's conviction that the quality of life Christ produces in his disciples is all the church needs to fulfill its purpose on earth. Who we are becoming matters more than what we are achieving. Building character is slow, hidden work — it rarely shows up on a performance review or earns applause — but it is the foundation from which every sustainable form of influence actually grows. Tending the soul, Gem says, is not optional. It is foundational.

This week, notice one moment where you feel the pull toward binary thinking. Pause and ask: What would the third way look like here?

If you're a leader who wants to tend your soul with others who take this seriously, connect here to learn about the PACE community.

What Happens When You Stop Letting Time Be Your Boss?

Time is one of the places where hurry does its deepest damage — not because life is actually too full, but because of the stories we tell ourselves about it. Gem is careful here. She is not speaking to seasons of genuine crisis or health hardship. She is speaking to the ordinary pressure most leaders create for themselves through the narratives they craft about their days.

Her paradigm is direct: time is not your enemy, and it is not your boss. You have agency. An expansive view of time is a source of freedom, not a denial of limits. God has not designed human life to leave us perpetually behind and perpetually stressed. That pressure, Gem suggests, is largely self-generated — built from assumptions we have never stopped to examine. When time dominates us, we become reactive. When we steward time, we become intentional.

This leads naturally into Gem's seventh and final paradigm: presence is primary. The present moment is where everything actually happens. Memory pulls us toward the past; anticipation pulls us toward the future; and both can quietly become forms of anxiety if left unexamined. But grace, Gem writes, is always right here, right now, because God is always right here, right now. Presence is not passivity — it is participation. It is learning to notice, to breathe, to respond rather than simply react. This is why the practice of unhurried time with God — silence, solitude, a receptive posture — is not a luxury for people with lighter schedules. It is the practice that makes every other paradigm livable.

This week, try one small experiment: set aside thirty minutes with no agenda except to ask God, What truths am I actually living from right now? Write down what surfaces.

Living from Love vs. Living from Fear

A Word to Every Leader Who Feels Behind

The leaders who find their way to Unhurried Living are rarely quitters. They are thoughtful, capable people who have been running hard for a long time and are beginning to feel the private cost. If you are in that place — somewhere between exhaustion and a quiet longing for something more grounded — know that the paradigms Gem describes are not theories. They are practices, tested over decades, available to anyone willing to slow down long enough to examine what is actually shaping their life. You are not behind. You are invited.

What You Are Living From Is Already Forming You

The spiritual paradigms we hold are not neutral. They are active. They are forming us right now — our leadership, our relationships, our rest, and our inner life. Gem Fadling's seven paradigms — God is love, God is expansive, the third way of love, character over achievement, God across cultures, stewarding time, and the primacy of presence — are not a program to complete. They are an invitation to ask a deeper question: What is God quietly forming in me right now?

The unhurried leaders who ask that question, and stay with it long enough to hear an answer, tend to discover that what has been shaping them is exactly what someone else needed to hear.

If these ideas are landing somewhere real, the Unhurried Living weekly email is a gentle, consistent way to keep the conversation going — sign up here to receive it each week.

And if you are ready to explore what a longer, more intentional season of soul care and spiritual leadership formation could look like, the PACE program is a 21-month community built for exactly this kind of work — get started here to learn more.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What are spiritual paradigms and why do they matter? A: Spiritual paradigms are the deep, often unexamined beliefs that shape how you see God, yourself, and other people. They operate beneath your conscious decisions, influencing the tone of your relationships, leadership, and daily rhythms. Identifying them honestly is the first step toward living from what you actually believe rather than what you merely say you believe.

Q: What does it mean that God is love, not just that God is loving? A: Saying God is loving means love is one of God's qualities. Saying God is love, as 1 John 4:16 does, means love is what God is at the core of his being. Combined with Acts 17:28 — that we live and move and have our being in God — this means we are not reaching toward a distant God but already living inside love itself, a reality that can reframe how we pray, read Scripture, and face difficulty.

Q: How do I stop feeling so rushed and exhausted all the time? A: Much of the pressure we carry is generated by the stories we tell ourselves about time. Gem Fadling suggests that time is not your enemy or your boss — it is a resource, and you have more agency over it than hurry has convinced you. Practices like unhurried time with God, silence, and solitude can slowly shift the inner orientation from reactive to intentional.

Q: What is the "third way" of love that Gem describes? A: The third way is the alternative love offers when binary either/or thinking has run out of options. Rather than framing every situation as a contest between winners and losers, the third way asks what else is possible — particularly what a response rooted in love, not fear, might look like. It draws directly on 1 Corinthians 13's description of love that always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

Q: How does practicing presence connect to unhurried living? A: Presence is the practice of returning to where God already is — the present moment. Gem Fadling describes presence not as passivity but as active participation: learning to notice, breathe, and respond rather than react. Regular practice of silence and solitude trains this capacity over time, making it possible to lead and live from a place of grounded attentiveness rather than driven distraction.