Trying to Be in Control Wears Us Out

Blog by Alan Fadling

One of the surprising bits of good news in the gospel is that by acknowledging Jesus is Lord and thus releasing our self-centered autonomy, we find freedom. Letting go of control doesn’t mean losing but instead gaining a life that is rich with trust, peace, and joy. It’s wonderfully freeing!

What if surrender isn’t a sign of weakness but a doorway to abundance? In a culture that glorifies busyness and self-reliance, we often feel weighed down by responsibilities we were never meant to carry. Let’s explore how releasing the illusion of control can open us to the gift of trust.

It’s been my experience that trying to control things I can’t control is burdensome, while trusting in God’s shepherding care is a light and easier way to live. Let’s look at this big idea from three perspectives.

1. The Burden of Control vs. the Gift of Trust

In our fast-paced culture, we equate control with security. But attempting to control everything can actually leave us feeling insecure, anxious, and overburdened. A posture of truth, by contrast, invites us to live with open hands. Instead of carrying the weight of every outcome, we can rest in the assurance that the God of the universe is at work in our lives and our circumstances. This shift allows us to focus on being present and faithful in the moment.

Listen to the beautiful simplicity of this message from the book of Proverbs:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

he’s the one who will keep you on track. (Proverbs 3:5-6 Message)

Think about your life in this present moment or in the week that lies ahead of you. Ask yourself: What would it look like to loosen my grip and trust God from the bottom of my heart? To listen for God's voice instead of striving to figure out everything all on my own? I’m not saying this is easy, but living this way does relieve us of burdens God didn’t intend for us to carry. That’s the good news of trust—it lightens our load and opens the way for inner peace.

2. The Unexpected Freedom of Submission

I wrote about paradoxical freedom in my book A Non-Anxious Life. Submission gets a bad rap because it’s often confused with passivity or weakness. True submission is about aligning with a purpose greater than ourselves. It’s recognizing that we are part of something bigger, which liberates us from the pressure to make life all about self.

If you hired a personal trainer, would you be at your best if you resisted their every recommendation? Would that be the definition of freedom for you? Of course not. Holy submission to the wiser guidance of a coach would allow you to flourish without striving.

Eugene Peterson had this to say in his book As Kingfishers Catch Fire:

“Our participation in the land and language ‘of the living’ must always be responsive. It is not, to use one of our more dreadful neologisms, proactive. We commonly use words like believing, receiving, obeying, and hoping to characterize the responsive, submissive nature of this participation. But we don’t commonly consider the patient, human not-doing in which such participation necessarily begins. We are impatient to get on with it. But there is a kind of initial willed passivity in which all truly Christian creative living begins, a silence and a waiting, attentiveness and adoration, a letting go and simply being here.”*

I’ve often said that while the Christian life is active, it isn’t full of activity for God as much as it is activity with God. This is true even in submission to God’s guidance and counsel. Peterson’s frustration with the idea of being proactive is not about a lack of initiative. It’s about initiative that isn’t first a response to God’s leadership in our lives.

But the Christian life is not frantic, driven activity for God. It is gracious, peaceful, love-compelled life and work with God. We are stewards rather than owners. We are servants rather than bosses. We are invited to obedience, surrender, and submission. These do not diminish us. They free us to live into all the goodness God is inviting us into.

3. The Myth of Self-Sufficiency

There is a sort of “holy” independence from unhelpful urgings that would lead us into enslavement. But self-sufficiency, in the end, is a mirage. The more we chase it, the thirstier we become. We become like a branch separated from the vine.

But when we admit our need for others and for God, we step into a richer experience of life. Collaboration and community flourish when we release the exhausting need to be “enough” all on our own.

One of the reasons that our sense of responsibility becomes overwhelming is that we’re trying to carry something we weren’t meant to. Rather than giving us a yoke to carry on our own, I believe Jesus invites us to join him in the yoke he is carrying.

Think about these scriptural ideas: 

• Jesus comes to serve, not to be served (even though he’s completely worthy of being served) (Matthew 20:28).
•  Jesus doesn’t think of us first as servants but as his friends (John 15:15).
•  Yet, Paul and the other apostles think of themselves as servants, even slaves. (Romans 1:1).

How do these things go together?

We are servant-friends with Jesus. We don’t think more highly of ourselves than of Jesus. We are servants like Jesus is. We are friends with the One who prefers to make others the focus of his attention.

It is good news when we let go of the mirage of self-sufficiency.

A Life of Trust, Freedom, and Grace

Jesus’s invitation is not to carry the crushing weight of control, self-sufficiency, or striving. It is to step into a life marked by trust, submission, and deep reliance on God’s love and wisdom. When we release what we were never meant to carry, we find ourselves receiving what we were always meant to have—peace, joy, and a sense of belonging in God’s care. This is not a loss; it is an incredible gain. What if surrender is not the end of something good but the beginning of something better? What if letting go is the way we finally become free?

For Reflection:

• Where in your life are you holding on to control in a way that is actually making you more anxious rather than more secure?
• How might submission to God’s guidance lead you into greater freedom rather than constricting you?
• In what ways have you experienced the exhaustion of self-sufficiency, and how might leaning into community and dependence on God bring you rest?

*Eugene Peterson, As Kingfishers Catch Fire (Waterbrook, 2017), p. 14.